I lost my husband to sudden death syndrome, then eight years later my son

Since I teach sports and dancing, being fit is something I love to do. It was the same for my husband Alden, 37, a sports therapist, and the boys’ doting father to Myles, 7, and Carter, 4, at the time. Living for any young working family with children is a balancing act but the four of us pulling together, were a very happy family. In hasty, I assumed that it would continue to be so for many years to come. 
 
Which is why when Alden – who appeared to be perfectly healthy – got to pass away after suffering a sudden cardiac arrest in 2015, I was shocked to the core. As it was in 1996 we had been married for two years, and now all a sudden I was a widow, single mother at 29 years. 
 
It was May 22 – a day that will always be painful to me – when, after the children had had their breakfast as usual and I had taken the boys to school, I had proceeded to work. The routine that was in the communication dynamics was that Alden was always the one to make the pick up. But I had left my packed lunch at home and so I went back after preparing it, shouting up to the second floor “Are you not gone yet?” He did not respond. I went upstairs to our room and there Alden was staring dully through the glass with sight on something I could not discern. Then he slumped to the floor and looked at me with incredible intensity as if trying to will me not to scream, which I was, alone in sheer panic. 
 
I rang 999 gabbling into the phone: “My husband has collapsed and I can’t tell if he’s breathing, please come. ” Then I rang my dear friend Caroline, The boys’ Godmother, who lived on the street, who rushed over, took one look at Alden and said to me, get out of the room, Caroline, as she started to pump his chest frantically. 
 
I was a complete mess when he was blue lit to Wolverhampton hospital. Doctor came in just five minutes after they got to the hospital and said that Alden’s heart had ‘given out’ and there was nothing they could do. 
 
I did not shout, but just sat there with mouth wide open in shock. I dimly recall my mum managing to take the boys to bed and other relatives arriving and departing while I sobbed. The next morning it dawned on me to tell the children that ‘Daddy had a poorly heart and has gone to heaven. ’ Carter did not understand but as for Myles, he became serious. 
 
After the autopsy, it was found that Alden had no problem with his heart; however,, Sudden Cardiac Arrest is defined as the situation where the heart cease to pump blood around the body. If a person cannot then be revived it be termed as sudden cardiac death since there was a cardiac event, like a change of the heartbeat rhythm that led to the arrest. Sometimes the reason for this is given, or, as in Alden’s case, may be unclear. He was unlucky. It was explained to me that it was just some sort of fluke, an ‘accident’. 
 
It was therefore impossible for me to break down, I benefitted them by thinking of the boys. Effectively, we were inseparable as if we were the three musketeers because I had the full commitment of being a mum and a dad. 
 
Myles became extremely protective of me I did not like being told, ‘You’re the man of the house now, Myles’ because though he was fending for us, he was still a boy. When it is a matter of explaining death to a child, one gets to be busy rationalizing and comforting. Thus, if ever the boys saw a robin, for example, I would explain to them that it was a sign that someone wanted to visit him or that his father was watching over him. 
 
Born and raised in Erozan, Myles was a sporty child, whoever was always winning school awards and being admired for his lovely manners, not to mention character. Instead, he immediately began to experience awful anxiety – about his homework, burglars, and fairground rides. He went through therapy for grief and for anxiety. I attempted to console him by saying that what had happened to Dad was such a small probability and could not occur again. That is why therapists tell you not to say that certainly it will not – because this is a lie. We also can never tell what life has in store for us. 
 
Somewhere at the back of mind there was always something telling me that I should get the boys tested, but this was never mentioned and indeed I did not want to create even more panic. 

I also required counselling for three years which made me to leave the dark phase of my life. However, when my brother met him in person in December of 2022, the guy I had my very first crush on who was by then a separated father of two, we resumed our old affairs. The boys were contented and I was also contented. We then had another opportunity to try to have a family unit once more with Nathan’s girls aged eight and five. 
 
Nathan decided he should help Myles and took him on a mental wellbeing course where they jumped into cold water and in a class where the children discussed their fears. Nathan told me that Myles had confided in him: “I think I will die a young death.
Oh, don’t tell Mum, but there have been robins coming to my house to see me. ” 
 
When Nathan told me this, I stayed beside Myles and explained to him that the purpose of the robins was, in fact, to comfort him, not the opposite. 
 
When on admission, my client Myles, developed a tic on his face, arm and shoulder the GP attributed it on stress. He asked his mum, ‘’Why is this happening to me?’’ I had no answer and flung my arms round his neck. Being so special: “Because you’re special Myles. ” 
 
For instance, usually we visited the cemetery as a family during Alden’s remembrance date but last year, Carter had a history field trip to Belgium and Myles, a hospital appointment for a check-up of his tic, so we had to take the flowers to Alden’s grave a day earlier. 
 
Grieving Alden was never easy on May 22, but in 2023 that morning was especially painful. To wake up that morning, I had to phone Myles. No answer. On arrival, I was in his bedroom and I noticed him lying face down on the floor by his bed. I thought that it was a peculiar manner of sleeping and when I tried to wake him up and move his arm, it dropped like a log.

“Wake up, wake up, wake up, Myles” I shouted and shouted in terror. There was nothing but the scheming and I screamed for Nathan who shouted into the room. “He is choking he is not breathing!” I screamed. 
 
I felt a total déjà-vu as I dialled 999 and the call-taker guided Nathan through compressions and rescue breaths. I phoned my mum. It was as if there was an echo of history and I felt that I had got caught up in that day, in 2015. I ran, breathing heavily, to look into my mirror at my face to check and see if I was actually present, so convinced this could not be possible. But when Mum arrived, saw Myles and screamed, then I knew that this was actually happening. 
 
It was in the Birmingham Children’s Hospital that Myles had to be transferred to intensive care. With tubes protruding from nearly all over him, the machinery kept his heart going. They did an echo scan then at the bedside and realised that the boy had a healthy athletic heart. However, a Computerized tomography scan showed that there was massive oedema on the brain due to lack of oxygen. 
 
They ordered us to get Carter back home and I understood at that moment in my heart that I am going to lose him. The edema became worse and worse, very rapidly; his heartbeat was erratic, and he was losing fluid. Carter was saddened seeing his older brother in this state he loved the brother so much. “Oh Mum, let’s please bury him so that he can rest in eternal peace. ” There was no positive prognosis. Two days later it was our unhappy privilege to turn off the machine and to bid our farewell. 
 
An autopsy showed that there were no other ailments before the person died. It was “only” cardiac arrest Consequently, obstetrics’ “owner” still did not get it . 
 
Naturally, we survived the funeral which took place in July. Many people attended the church bereavement and the atmosphere was such that Myles was really missed by many people. But as a mother you never expect to have to bury your child – even though I always feared getting ill, which reminded me of the painful memories of losing their father, I never thought they would bury me, leaving them alone. 
 
In my case I have tortured myself for a long time over whether I could have done something to or to stop Myles from being killed. But, more about sudden cardiac arrest remains a mystery to doctors than perhaps in any other branch of medicine. Neither after Alden’s death was it suggested that Carter and I should undergo a mtDNA analysis to establish a familial genetic relationship. 
 
More attention must be paid to the risk of sudden cardiac death, and more attention should be paid to people under 35 as 12 people of this age die every week. The British Heart Foundation requires money, so that more work can be achieved to identify the reasons and treatment. 
 
They would ask me, how do you manage it, this double tragedy; but you cannot do anything, you survive. I am going to get married this year to Nathan. Carter respond then “I have you and Nathan but now Dad has Myles to keep him company. ” This make him comfortable and since my job involves with young people in education make me closer to Myles. I have to remind myself and convince that he is not anguished anymore, he is not worrying. I cannot anymore confine myself into days of fear, I too well understand how precious is life and why we should go for it.