I’ve dealt with crippling anxiety for 20 years. Then a new headset silenced it

Currently, the photo on my iPhone is a picture of both daughters hugging and smiling at me in front of our home. It is one that characterizes what is dear to me; life amid the current global confusion and busyness that exists in today’s society, and when regarded each time, instills me with some perspective. 
 
Whenever I am overwhelmed, or a feeling of anxiety, or a mere sense of impending doom washes over me – something that I am disgustingly susceptible to – I attempt to recall the picture. Remind yourself why it’s a shortcut to mindfulness: if I can change focus from the anxious thought, I do not have to answer to it. But as I get a hint of an anxiety attack, it becomes hard to focus on anything other than the anxiety, much less a happy memory. Suppose, however, I could inactively seem to step back to that moment. Get out from the uncomfortableness of my own mind, and be somewhere, at the happiest place, near my two most favorite people online. 
 
That is what spatial computing and the Apple Vision Pro promises to do: to overcome the frames of time on screen with the interaction between people and computers in which things are seen as being in the physical world. 
 
I can’t literally reach out and hug them because I am essentially surrounded by a spatial representation of that picture from the photograph and looking through the Apple headset I am also wearing. Yet while it is so submerging, it can pierce the noise and make me concentrate, it is just a lovely reminiscence, revived. A residing specter if you can imagine it. What is more, it is irresistible. 
 
To get the context of this you need to meet my anxiety disorder, which is a much bigger part of my life than my babbling talking cat. A functional but unpleasant personality that I try not to bring out, or at least keep in secret because I do not want it to cost me, or others, their professional or friendly image. This, of course, only plays into the problem. 
 
My first awareness of having a panic attack occurred approximately 25 years ago when I was at a Nail salon. It was a very physical response to apparently nothing: The twists in vision, tingles in extremities, the pumping heart and the jelly like feeling in all my limbs and acute embarrassment of having to flee in the middle of a manicure. . Having been struggling to find out what was wrong with me for the past months in an attempt to identify whatever abnormality in the internal compass of my body that might be causing me to be so helpless at times, I was diagnosed with a panic disorder that makes me enter the fight or flight mode way too easily and brings out the adrenaline rush, and the horrible physical symptoms of which are accompanied the same. 
 
This can happen when, for instance, I would expect it, such as during a case of public speaking say, or it can come when it is least expected and when my stress levels range from low to nonexistent, including when I am asleep. When that first happened I used all the CBT strategies: my therapist told me, bubbles, apps, but when all failed, it was pitch black. I had no option and so, I dial 111. Being overwhelmed by anxiety I said, ‘I think I’m having the worst panic attack of my life or I am dying. Paramedics arrived, stabilizing, they diagnosed me as having a grave panic attack and took me off work for two weeks. What I did not do despite their advice was not to tell my employers, and this is because I was ashamed to let anyone spoil my reputation. This suppression of my anxiety of course feeds the beast, and so here we are, in a fear cycle that I need to constantly train myself out of. 
 
Psychotherapist Joshua Fletcher provides me with the information that there are two types of anxiety. “Ordinary anxiety is where one becomes anxious and worried about objects outside oneself, which may be considered a source of stress such as work, home or relationships. ” This is the usual type of anxiety that has in recent years been presented to the public sphere thanks to societies increased advocacy for mental health. Mine is the other type though, an inward disordered type of anxiety that has lead to the thoughts in the question. 
 
“It is the fear of fascination itself, and the behaviours that sustain that cycle, really: We have a panic attack because we are terrified of their reappearance In essence, Mostly, it is distraction that helps – I take my mind off how I feel. 
 
Thus, I was gazing at the picture of my daughters drawing the focus away from a possible adrenaline and cortisol-provoked breakdown. 
 
Which brings my attention to this new tech which is called ‘spatial computing’ and with which you can ‘raise’ some of the self help therapy apps which I already have and use for reducing some of the anxiety symptoms I have. 
 
I have discovered mobile applications such as Headspace, Calm or Lungy are useful, though I must admit there is only so much you can do. But as we saw with the attempt to use my photo to increase positive affect, simply grabbing my phone or focusing on one of my favorite apps when anxious is also virtually impossible. Yet it could allow me to immerse myself in them with the help of spatial computing. Perhaps then I can hack my biocheat to become an efficient self-governing machine and turn off my anxiety. 
 
“So, spatial computing would make you mindful if you are stressed or conventionally anxious because it makes one present, and when one is present, cortisol levels drop because one is not overthinking, and focusing on those stressful topics,” Fletcher says. 
 
This makes logical and biological sense to me, and on my lifelong mission to keep my anxiety to a minimum I want to give it a try. 
 
Derived from this definition, the Apple Vision Pro can be described as an augmented reality wearable computer that combines digital information that is to be interacted with by the user’s eyes, hands, and voice. Yet, after using it, I would say that it is the poster device for entertaining the future. I just flat out adore it. Picking it up Wearing it: (very comfortable) Setting it up under your eyes and hands : (very easy) and getting a Floaty dashboard of apparently reformatted familiar App icons. The capabilities are way bigger than I have space to write about here, from re-living very vivid memories to getting a taste of being in awe-inspiring places, taking wellness, mindfulness, and active meditation, to a whole other level which is what I’m particularly looking forward to.

I then spoke to Dr Luke Hale, an NHS doctor and the man behind responsive breathing app Lungy and Lungy Spaces to understand how it can be used for anxiety. Regarding it on the Vision Pro, I can be engaged with a reactive environment and, employing the hand tracking, ‘perform’ with instruments in the virtual reality environment. In other words, I can make picturesque and calming music compositions that compel me to think about the present environment and not the fight or flight response that is about to seize my body. 
 
“Studies have shown that breathing exercises by itself is useful in managing anxiety and stress because of the strong connection between breathing and relationship to its physiology that triggers the ‘fight or flight’ response,” opined Dr Hale. 
 
For example, spatial computing gives you the chance to design an extremely calming, self-assuring atmosphere and condition of the mind wherein reactions to a given buffle can be optimally productive. When a person believes he can change something in the world for better or in the way he wants to, it increases feelings of positive self-organization, or self-efficacy (opposite to the helplessness of anxiety or depressive states. ) 
 
And for me it appears to be an effective strategy. The hardest battle I’ve personally faced involves the monster effort which is used to focus, as many applications or methods of grounding, for example, suggest that I close my eyes and turn my attention to my breaths because, as Fletcher described it, I likely will need help with that. “Those that have inward anxiety have it bad, they say to focus on the breath they cannot because its not steady and thus focusing only makes it worse. ” 
 
What I need to do is awareness level- I’m going to focus on what is happening. Well, using such applications and games on the Vision Pro allows me to be immersed in a mindful state and literally ‘forces’ me to do that. Besides, if I want to increase or decrease the immersion according to my desire I can use what is called ‘the digital crown’, which is situated on the headset like a watch on my apple. Thus, the environments I’m experiencing can be ‘ex-exclusive’ – completely replacing what is around me or ‘ex-inclusion’ – integrated with my actual physical environment. 

I am not quite sure the world is ready for me to sit on the tube with a head-set on yet (I’d be quite an oddity at the moment but let’s see what will happen when society advances) so this is hardly something that can be whipped out for an ad hoc anxiety attack resolution. 
 
They say I am using it as a practice, a way of preventing myself from getting a common cold. It’s sort of fun to train yourself better and five minutes a day in the comfort of our own homes is something that I look forward to rather than insisting on the regime of set exercise. Thus to improve in all ways one must incorporate a good dose of meditation in one’s daily schedule; it is a known fact that the more one meditates the more such benefits are realized. 
 
Profits will then be gotten from constant rehearsal and this is where I have lacked discipline in the past. I am a working mum with two kids at home. It literally feels like managing a household and if I’m honest, it is almost impossible to give 10 minutes of proper mindful time when there is work/washing/free time to be done. But if it’s entertaining? Well, that’s different. 
 
The application of headset is enjoyable way of learning how to breathe (which anxious people do not know how to do) and when I wear the headset and close my eyes, I am in the midst of a snowy mountainous scene and the instructions to breathe in and out float in front of my vision even after I remove the headset. This is especially so the few days after; I am more aware of my breath generally, know when I am breathing too shallowly; I am even able to easily switch to the paced, long and slow breathing that will have my nervous system calm when it needs to (I trust). Let me say, up to the last lesson, it is very good. 
 
Well, is this a viable substitute to my meditation apps? I was able to put it through a substantial test when I was awaked rather violently by the feeling of being in a state of panic. My husband was out of town and my little girl was hysterical, so I woke up and practically dragged myself out of bed to get her a baby bottle. 
 
This is normal, but that night for whatever reason was not. When at last I got back to my own bed I could not slow my racing pulse and the worst thoughts came pouring in. Is this panic or something else? If it is worse, what will my daughters do and other related questions that people can come up with when comparing situations and conditions. How does it feel like to have an aneurysm? The works. While the forceful and modulated breathing assisted at intervals though not extensively, there are uses when I would have resorted to my Applications on my phone to back my night to sleep, I put on the Vision Pro, and with a click, take myself to a place – the moon if you care to know – then opening the Mindful Environment App concurrently. It’s a porthole out of my present situation, to somewhere that is (again, indescribably) so different from here it’s laughable, and in turn, that’s enough of a distraction to allow me to rebalance in record time. 
 
Perhaps it is sheer newness for the time being, but I know it is a tool to me in this situation and I do not mind, in fact, it is welcome when I easily fall back to sleep again. 
 
A few weeks later I went away with some friends for a weekend – cut to pressure cooker disaster waiting to happen. A new place, people, being the only one with no acquaintances there, staying alone at night, and in addition, intoxicated probably by too much wine. So, I went to take the Vision Pro, willing to prevent the midnight meltdown this time, however, it never occurred. It’s an anxiety tool that my GP would call a the ‘pill-in-my-pocket’. present there if it’s required, but it means that in itself may be enough for me, a comfort. So far so helpful. 
 
Thus is there an evil side? Their pros are rather obvious The popularity of the 13-inch MacBooks starts at £3 499 which Although it is still pricey If it can assist in managing my panic attacks, I will gladly spend more. I still believe, that we should also anticipate certain amount of problems. Changing for the better our experience of the world (spatial computing is a new dimension) will require getting used to. I thought that I am going to have a vertigo, at least something like that, and while not getting vertigo was a pleasant experience, I, all of a sudden, cried and I don’t know why. That, in itself was a relief and I am told that it is not uncommon to feel that way first of all.

I am lost in thoughts that it is such a strong emotion when one watches a spatial video on the Vision Pro. As if you can replay a fully-realized 3D memory to have a pet or family member who has just passed. It is a great tool of mourning, unless perhaps the shock is that which we get from a hallucination and we end up being soaked in the hyper-real image of loss. Data coming from automobile studies prove that, having a photograph at one’s disposal helps to compensate the loss of the partner among separated women and this prevents loneliness to a great extent. Likewise other research has revealed that nostalgia can have an impact on the reduction of physically caused pain. 
 
While in this instance I lean towards agreeing with the former, Joshua Jackson, a psychotherapist, states that in the end, you are the coping technique when it comes to anxiety. Knowing you can endure it without having stimuli is something anybody would like to know. 
 
“The long-term view is to help your brain unlearn having panic attacks, it is a dump of adrenaline, a dump of cortisol into your system,” they said, It is going to try and figure out why, and give you scary thoughts, but you are okay. And when you willfully endure the discomfort, the brain changes. 
 
I know this is true too, but a back up plan is important beyond explanation and I am very fortunate to have one. And one with the capacity for taking me to white sand beaches and more, or watching an absolutely convincing 3D movie with the field of view of 180 degrees and even better, reliving a moment with my daughters who are now in virtual reality? I know that is going to lighten up my mood. And it does.