Jennifer Lopez Gets Candid on Divorce, Scrapped Tour and Online Backlash: “If I See Something That’s Hurtful, I’m Not Teflon”

Jennifer Lopez is speaking out about her tumultuous summer.

The multi-hyphenate did her first one-on-one since parting ways with Ben Affleck when she came on the red-hot stand-up Nikki Glaser to talk about her new film Unstoppable. Also, in the special fall anniversary issue of Interview magazine, Lopez discusses the professional and personal highs and lows of the past several months, which have seen the release of an album ‘This Is Me… Now,’ a concert film, a documentary about the album’s making, tabloid frenzy surrounding the couple’s marriage problems, speculated divorce and divorce threats, and LiLo’s attacks on the couple on Twitter.

Looking back at the year, which Lopez describe as follows; “It was like my whole fucking world exploded.” Moments later, she continued: Perhaps what I like about life is the fact that we are not given an end point to reach. Its just getting better and growing it you want to. It is either growing or shrinking and I don’t want to be on the shrinking side of things. And you know there’s moments when I thought I got it and okay life takes you ‘Oh, let me give you another lesson and see if you get it this time.’ Just to see if you’ve been paying attention when that lesson was being taught to you.’ And I hadn’t. I understand that now in a much deeper way, which doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes in the future but again, when your whole house blows up and all you can do is stand there in the rubble go: How do I not ever let that happen again?

Since she did not learn these lessons, Lopez chose to be single this summer and although she said it was The “Fucking hard.” Preventing it feels like being lonely, in the unknown, being afraid. It feels sad. It feels desperate. But when you sit in those feelings and go, ‘These things are not going to kill me,’ it’s like actually I can be happy on my own. Am not a loser because I am in a relationship. I can’t be looking for happiness in other people. I have to have happiness within myself. I remember saying I’m a happy person but still had that thing for someone for someone else to fill and you’re just like-No, I’m actually good.

Lopez went further with that and said, “I’m not looking for anybody.” Glaser then asked if that’s the first time she’s been able to say that as a single woman and she replied with an emphatic “Yes.” Later in the conversation, she posed a question to herself about riding solo right now: Again the tenacity of common flyer but what can I fucking do when it’s just me flying on my own? What if I’m just free?”

I understand that all the things that are being written and said by other people, and everything people are going to guess about myself, is not me. I knew that many year ago, many months ago, many week ago, many days ago. What I’m more conscious of though is, and because it arrived after I had been out there, I don’t take it as seriously as the others. I know I’m a good person. I know I’m a good mom. I know who my friends are. Okay, I can tell my friends know who I am, my mom, my dad things like that,” she told me. Well, if you want to work in this business for the rest of your life, you’ve got to figure out how to handle that side of things. Some people will embrace you while others won’t and some will just seek to despise you to despise, and none of that counts.

That said, this is not saying that Lopez is completely devoid of the criticism herself as she was quick to note. “Please don’t get me wrong if I see something that is hurtful then I know I’m not Teflon.”

Forcing the cancellation of the tour during the turbulent summer, Lopez said she was to be close to her children, family, and close friends, but according to various reports, low ticket sales forced her to withdraw. During the chat, she said more of it on the decision. It was two such remarks – simple, open and full of enthusiasm – which indicated to me that: “I can’t wait to get back out there.” I have the most understanding and loving fans in the world. Some fan bases can be spicy. The ones I have are just a bunch of lovers. It was such a relief to not have to be a wife, a daughter, a boss, an employee, and be able to just be with my kids and me, and sometimes figure out things happening in my life. And I’m glad I did, because it intensified me to try at least not to be lazy in the films I did see duringfilms 2008 awards season as it was a really difficult time for me. That I would say was one of the toughest periods in my life but at the same time, it was one of the best times of my life because I got to do that work on myself.

The conversation took place immediately after the screening of Unstoppable at the Toronto International Film Festival alongside the real life Judy Robles, the character Lopez portrays in the film. The real people were easier to portray when it comes to performance because there’s just something different about it. Sometimes you get to be roles and everything that comes with it and you know it’s fake and you can be really into the kind of personality the role depicts. But meeting Judy and talking to her about the issues of having a child at such a young age and him being born without a leg and what it meant, her feeling guilty that it was her fault, her feeling of inadequacy, and then seeing her son inspiring her – when you watch the movie and see what happens at the end – it is unbelievable what the spirit of man is capable of.